I think I’ve figured out more deeply why I have been so opposed to going back to full-time work or routine work for an employer since leaving the military.
Usually, when I’m introduced to new information and I don’t change to that information, it means I prefer something on this side a lot better. For the most part, during my retirement, it was easy for me to say I like my freedom, which is true. However, I dug deeper today and realized that it’s not just freedom; I crave this particular thing on a level of addiction. I love the free flow of my thoughts – the uninterrupted thinking – I get to do while I’m awake.
Mental drain in the military
What I remember about being in the military is that even when you didn’t have a hard day at work or many problems to solve, you were still mentally drained by the time you got off work. My days required a lot of emotional labor.
I didn’t have much energy left to think about creative things, which is what I need. I need to let my imagination do what it does. That’s what gives my brain satisfaction: when I can let my thoughts run uninterrupted.
Financial needs got me here
Since being retired, I’m addicted to that feeling. I’m addicted to having so much time in the day to let my thoughts run free and expand. The reason I got to this thought is that I’m considering giving some of that time away for work because I need to address the financial stress I have. I need to reduce it dramatically, and the quickest solution is to increase my income.
So, why am I so opposed to having a boss? Well, I need to do it, even if it’s temporary. I have to lean into something that has a high yield with a regular amount of effort.