Today, I thought a lot about the honeymoon phase, tipping points, staying in the phase, etc. The honeymoon phase is when the relationship is peaking in enjoyment.
Table of contents
Quadrant design at a glance
The quadrant has two continuous axes. The x-axis represents the amount of challenges; it’s understood to range from zero to a lot. The y-axis represents how interesting the relationship is to the lovers.
Jump to my sketch at the end of the article.
I started with the easiest quadrant to describe when I started a concept sketch of a Relationship Vibes Quadrant. For the sake of logical flow, I’ll start at quadrant one: easy.
Easy, quadrant 1
When a relationship is interesting with little or no challenges, it’s easy. I considered calling this simple, but I don’t like the secondary definition of simple and want to avoid that possible misinterpretation.
When I think about the relationship reaching easy, I picture a couple in late adulthood. Neither person needs to work for money. She has her garden and canning setup. He has his woodworking shop-tinkering studio. The kids have moved out. The couple has challenges like remembering who went to the mailbox last – and when.
Fun, quadrant 2
What makes a relationship fun [for me] is when it’s both interesting and challenging. There’s still plenty of living and learning to do together.
There’s new memories to paint. The couple’s lives and dreams haven’t woven together very deeply, so the relationship feels lightweight and far from overwhelming. Emotions like curiosity and wonder peak as each person matches observed behavior with expectation.
Dull, quadrant 3
With few challenges and little interest, the relationship is the opposite of fun. It’s dull. Day-To-Day life is full of sameness. Curiosity for each other decays because one or more expectations aren’t met. Maybe the couple isn’t jointly focused on nurturing the connection.
The relationship isn’t difficult. It has just reached a point of rest.
Draining, quadrant 4
We can call a relationship draining when it’s challenges are overwhelming to the point where interest in being in the relationship fades. Mental exhaustion rules , and problems among the couple have delayed resolutions because so much energy is given to the challenges.
When I visualize this stage of a relationship, I think about cancer and the human body. The best way to survive cancer is to not get cancer. I don’t say that to make a joke. I mean the relationship cannot prosper or function well in this quadrant.
This is the therapy quadrant. The separate bed or homes quadrant (BTW going to couple’s therapy during a fun period is the equivalent of laying down train tracks before running the train; going to counseling after you’ve began to have problems/incidents is equivalent to laying down each section of train track as the train approaches). This is the substance abuse or overindulgence quadrant. My point is this is a dangerous place to be in the relationship, and both people have to devote themselves to getting healthy – OR, exit before more damage is done.
Final words
In conclusion, I drew this quadrant to help me make sense of my relationship experience. The four quadrants are as follows: easy, fun, dull, and draining. Your horizontal axis represents the number of challenges the people tackle together and independently. The vertical axis represents a measure of how much the relationship entices emotional investment.
A relationship can be plotted anywhere on the graph (I know there are no grid lines visible in my sketch.) Plot points can also move throughout the lifespan of the relationship.
Has making the illustration helped me better understand how to maintain the honeymoon phase? Kinda, yeah. Although, the things that make a relationship work well are subjective. For example: Today, I want my relationship to be very interesting with a medium amount of challenges, but in a later period of life, I’ll want my number of challenges to be close to zero. In short, I understand that what makes up my honeymoon phase is different than someone else’s. Hey, different dots for different—!…or different slopes for different folks!… different points for different loins!…different ink spills for difference thrills!
Talking into my phone was a lot easier than making this article. I love writing, but writing is hard. However, it’s an interesting challenge. Did you see what I did there?
Local Man from 1900s Goes Freehand on Real Sketchpad
