Today, my partner asked me if I love my other partner. I explained that romantic love had a meaning to me that has been broken. Severely.
The damage hasn’t been repaired or replaced. In short, I don’t feel like I have a definition of romantic love. It’s difficult for me to answer that I love her without using the someone else’s definition of love.
I love you/her feels nonspecific. It feels abstract. I can say that your voice relaxes me, and I feel joy hearing it. I can say I’m obsessed with the way you look at me when we talk. Your emotional intelligence and openness is so attractive to me it’s sexual.
Someone could take these facts and come to the conclusion that I love the person I just described. I would be fine with that. Why?
I’d agree with that conclusion because each person gives romantic love a unique definition. For each of us, romantic love is feeling a specific set of emotions. It’s performing or observing certain activities between each other. There’s a set of boxes that are checked in order for Person A to establish they love Person B.
My definition of romantic love is slowly being rebuilt. It’s taking a significant amount of introspection. Also, I’m rebuilding it by first solidifying all the things that it is not.