I imagined this conversation.
I’m going to start saying out loud, “I imagined this conversation.” so, maybe I won’t get so much credit for having charisma.
Because it is a performance
Maybe it will even the communication playing field. If I imagined the conversation, I also imagined the emotions, body language, and setting. Like a daydream. What looks like charisma (or even charm) is me replaying what I was rehearsed in my head. That’s probably why it can look performative.
Because it literally is a performance. It’s a reenactment! Can I do this real-life take even better than the conversation that took place in my head? What would I tweak? I will probably hold longer eye contact because I subconsciously notice when a person averts eye contact for more than 50% of the conversation, and if feels dishonest?
Consider how smooth-talkers are perceived by us who have to interact with them. We admire them, but also, we maintain a feeling of, “They could say anything with emotion, and I can’t tell if they mean it or not.”…suspension.
Uptight, yet chill?
Think about how uptight I am the core of my personality. For me to be chill or relaxed is an effort. It’s practiced and practiced behavior.
It’s imagining how did this play out already and what could go better? I think that flashes of losing control are reactions to scenarios I hadn’t imagined.
The need for predictability
Wow, I’m seeing how much predictability needs to be at the center of my interactions. That’s what can make electronics and fiction novels feel cooler to have around than people and pets. An electronic has very predictable outcomes, and that book will have the exact same words in it the first time you pick it up until the last time. People and pets have some predictibility, but they’re decisions are made with respect to their environments.
That’s scary. People are scary.